I think most comic book fans will agree that it is Super Villains that are usually responsible for making a good story. Sure the Heroes are the main focus and the reason for reading in the first place. But even the most appealing Super Hero can fall flat if not pitted against an appropriate baddie.

Of all the Super Hero rogues galleries Spider-Man definitely has one of the most colorful. We all know and love the likes of Venom, Green Goblin, and Doctor Octopus. But in this post I will be discussing a handful of lesser-known Spider-Man villains. In fact I am willing to bet that you my dear reader have never even heard of these villains. Why is that exactly? Well it’s probably because they never actually appeared in the comics, but rather in a child’s book produced in 1977. The book was officially produced by Marvel Entertainment Group, Inc so in my sick little mind that makes these villains fair game for inclusion in the Spider-Man canon.

Up first is my personal favorite of the bunch, the man known as The Yellow Yahoo. Decked out in a yellow hued Robin Hood get-up, the Yahoo is seen terrorizing an amusement park. What is his master plan you ask? Well it’s to make all the slow rides go fast and fast the rides go slow. Of all the crimes featured in this book the Yahoo’s is the only one that actually has the potential to kill someone. Let’s say somebody with a heart condition got on a slow ride thinking they would be all right. Then all of a sudden the ride speeds up and bam they have a heart attack. The fact Yahoo’s crime could result in death makes him the most dangerous villain of the lot.

Up next are the White Wizard and his helper. Fans of the show Fantasy Island might note that the Wizard and his helper bare a strong resemble to Mr. Roarke and Tattoo. Wizard is in the process of using his White Cloud-Maker to produce clouds over some unsuspecting picnickers. Of all the evil schemes in this book I must admit that I find Wizard’s to be the lamest. As a resident of the state of Rhode Island I can personally say clouds aren’t that big of a deal and they certainly aren’t reason enough for a picnic to be ruined. Heck, I think the Wizard’s plan isn’t even half as evil as what the little baby is doing in the cover of the image above. Mischievously knocking over a cup of milk is surely more destructive then that silly White Cloud-Maker.

The third bunch of baddies is The Three Green Gagsters. Perhaps it’s because of the hyphenation of the word, but every time I see “Gagsters” my mind wants to read it as “Gangsters”. But be them gangsters or gagsters their crime is the planting of cacti in the city garden. Looking at the shear volume of cacti left by the Gagsters I can’t bring myself to feel bad for anybody stupid enough to go into that garden. Any person with a shred of common sense would look at that cacti ridden danger zone and just turn the other way.

A top a New York City building we are introduced to the Four Bluebird Brothers. Their crime of choice? Littering. What really strikes me about the above image is just how down right terrified they look. I swear that if I were given just an image of their facial expressions without any sort of context I would be forced to conclude they were facing the immediate threat of death. Lesson to be learned here: Spidey takes littering VERY seriously.

Sticking with the theme of sky based villainy we next meet The Five Red-Robed Rainmakers. They are using a giant helicopter type aircraft to commit the tired cliché of raining on everybody’s parade. I will say that if the parade happens to contain that moronic 1987 Marvel Parade float then I applaud the Rainmakers for doing humanity a great service.

The last group of villains is The Six Noisy Buglers. They are guilty of disturbing the peace with their loud bugling. Now I sympathize with the buglers because I imagine them being part of the parade that those dastardly Red-Robed Rainmakers ruined. I’ve deduced that the buglers were merely going down the street under the assumption that parade had been re-scheduled for that day. But even if that isn’t the case, Spidey’s decision to violently bowl the buglers over with a web ball seems a bit excessive.

Now when I first conceived the idea for this post the basic concept was to playfully mock the simplicity of these child’s book villains. However in the course of preparing this post it dawned on me that all these villains actually have a lot of potential. Why Marvel has never attempted to incorporate them into another medium is beyond me.

If you ask me when it comes time to pick villains for the 4th Spider-Man movie they should forget about Carnage, Vulture, or Tombstone. Instead go with Yahoo, Wizard, or Bluebird Brothers.

DISCLAIMER:
This post contains some scanned images from the book The Amazing Spider-Man: A Book of Colors and Days of the Week. All images are property of Marvel Entertainment and are used here without direct permission. The usage of these images on this blog is for the purpose of satire and entertainment with no intend to infringe copyright.